Friday, November 30, 2007

Friday, November 23, 2007

Now I Get It

I keep hearing "Ikea this" and "Ikea that" and I think, what the hell. It's just another store. People are such suckers. But, boy, I am as much a sucker as the rest of them. From the meatballs to the self-service furniture bins, I am a convert. For less than $250 we treated ourselves to an early Christmas. We came home with a Poang armchair and an area rug for the living room, four DVD bins, and lunch (actually, we ate lunch there). I put the chair together in the time it took me to make a cup of tea, and it is comfortably cushioning my ass right now.

The missus and I were joking about the "socialism for capitalists" approach. The restaurant has signs that explain why you need to bus your own table. You see, if you take care of some things yourself, and everyone pitches in, then you can pay less money for your lunch. And if you go and get your own furniture off the shelf, we can charge you less for that, too. Cooperation can actually bring the price down.

We also had the brilliant idea of combination grown-up/kids birthday parties at Ikea. Imagine if little Susie was invited to her BFF's party at Ikea? The kids can go play in Smålland and the grown-ups can take a lap through the store, then everyone can have meatballs, chicken fingers and mac and cheese for lunch. And you can finish the day up busing your own tables. Now that's something to be thankful for, comrades.

Friday, November 09, 2007

Five Things That Aren't About Me

I've often thought of doing one of those "100 Things About Me" posts, but I just don't think I'm that interesting. And I hate the way most people fill them out:
87. I like dogs.
88. Except my sister's dog.
89. Which isn't to say I don't like my sister.
90. It's just that her dog smells.
91. Like, really bad.
You get the point.

So, instead, I thought of five things I think are important to remember. Aphorisms, if you will.
1. The satisfaction you get out of something is in direct proportion to the effort you put into it.
2. "Talent" is the ability to find enjoyment in something difficult.
3. God (if there is one) doesn't want us to answer only to God; God wants us to take care of each other.
4. It's "its" if it belongs to it, but it's "it's" if it is.
5. Laugh and the world laughs with you, but fart and you sleep on the couch.

That's it. Have a great day.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

An Indulgence on this Rainy Day

I would like to post something, but I haven't got any news to relate, I haven't had any particularly aggravating episodes recently, and I've only heard one good joke, which I cannot (and would not) reproduce here because it is insulting to every branch of my heritage. Furthermore, I am trying to spend more time at work actually working, and less in idle distraction. So, I am reproducing a wonderful short essay by one of my favorite writers. Follow the instructions below carefully, and the world will at once become a more sane and comforting place. (I stole the essay from

A Nice Cup of Tea
By George Orwell
Evening Standard, 12 January 1946.

If you look up 'tea' in the first cookery book that comes to hand you will probably find that it is unmentioned; or at most you will find a few lines of sketchy instructions which give no ruling on several of the most important points.

This is curious, not only because tea is one of the main stays of civilization in this country, as well as in Eire, Australia and New Zealand, but because the best manner of making it is the subject of violent disputes.

When I look through my own recipe for the perfect cup of tea, I find no fewer than eleven outstanding points. On perhaps two of them there would be pretty general agreement, but at least four others are acutely controversial. Here are my own eleven rules, every one of which I regard as golden:

* First of all, one should use Indian or Ceylonese tea. China tea has virtues which are not to be despised nowadays — it is economical, and one can drink it without milk — but there is not much stimulation in it. One does not feel wiser, braver or more optimistic after drinking it. Anyone who has used that comforting phrase 'a nice cup of tea' invariably means Indian tea.

* Secondly, tea should be made in small quantities — that is, in a teapot. Tea out of an urn is always tasteless, while army tea, made in a cauldron, tastes of grease and whitewash. The teapot should be made of china or earthenware. Silver or Britanniaware teapots produce inferior tea and enamel pots are worse; though curiously enough a pewter teapot (a rarity nowadays) is not so bad.

* Thirdly, the pot should be warmed beforehand. This is better done by placing it on the hob than by the usual method of swilling it out with hot water.

* Fourthly, the tea should be strong. For a pot holding a quart, if you are going to fill it nearly to the brim, six heaped teaspoons would be about right. In a time of rationing, this is not an idea that can be realized on every day of the week, but I maintain that one strong cup of tea is better than twenty weak ones. All true tea lovers not only like their tea strong, but like it a little stronger with each year that passes — a fact which is recognized in the extra ration issued to old-age pensioners.

* Fifthly, the tea should be put straight into the pot. No strainers, muslin bags or other devices to imprison the tea. In some countries teapots are fitted with little dangling baskets under the spout to catch the stray leaves, which are supposed to be harmful. Actually one can swallow tea-leaves in considerable quantities without ill effect, and if the tea is not loose in the pot it never infuses properly.

* Sixthly, one should take the teapot to the kettle and not the other way about. The water should be actually boiling at the moment of impact, which means that one should keep it on the flame while one pours. Some people add that one should only use water that has been freshly brought to the boil, but I have never noticed that it makes any difference.

* Seventhly, after making the tea, one should stir it, or better, give the pot a good shake, afterwards allowing the leaves to settle.

* Eighthly, one should drink out of a good breakfast cup — that is, the cylindrical type of cup, not the flat, shallow type. The breakfast cup holds more, and with the other kind one's tea is always half cold before one has well started on it.

* Ninthly, one should pour the cream off the milk before using it for tea. Milk that is too creamy always gives tea a sickly taste.

* Tenthly, one should pour tea into the cup first. This is one of the most controversial points of all; indeed in every family in Britain there are probably two schools of thought on the subject. The milk-first school can bring forward some fairly strong arguments, but I maintain that my own argument is unanswerable. This is that, by putting the tea in first and stirring as one pours, one can exactly regulate the amount of milk whereas one is liable to put in too much milk if one does it the other way round.

* Lastly, tea — unless one is drinking it in the Russian style — should be drunk without sugar. I know very well that I am in a minority here. But still, how can you call yourself a true tealover if you destroy the flavour of your tea by putting sugar in it? It would be equally reasonable to put in pepper or salt. Tea is meant to be bitter, just as beer is meant to be bitter. If you sweeten it, you are no longer tasting the tea, you are merely tasting the sugar; you could make a very similar drink by dissolving sugar in plain hot water.

Some people would answer that they don't like tea in itself, that they only drink it in order to be warmed and stimulated, and they need sugar to take the taste away. To those misguided people I would say: Try drinking tea without sugar for, say, a fortnight and it is very unlikely that you will ever want to ruin your tea by sweetening it again.

These are not the only controversial points to arise in connexion with tea drinking, but they are sufficient to show how subtilized the whole business has become. There is also the mysterious social etiquette surrounding the teapot (why is it considered vulgar to drink out of your saucer, for instance?) and much might be written about the subsidiary uses of tealeaves, such as telling fortunes, predicting the arrival of visitors, feeding rabbits, healing burns and sweeping the carpet. It is worth paying attention to such details as warming the pot and using water that is really boiling, so as to make quite sure of wringing out of one's ration the twenty good, strong cups of that two ounces, properly handled, ought to represent.

(taken from The Collected Essays, Journalism and Letters of George Orwell, Volume 3, 1943-45, Penguin ISBN, 0-14-00-3153-7)